April 4^th.

We should have been going to Chicago today. And going to Disneyland Florida while we were there. My cousins have lived in Chicago for over 8 years. I don’t remember them not living there. I only get to see them once a year, sometimes twice. I look forward to our trips SO much, for SO long beforehand.

It was only a month ago when we started to ask questions about if we should still go, what extra safety steps we should take. It seems like a different world now, we can’t go anywhere. I was so upset when I found out it was being cancelled. I was angry too.

But now it doesn’t seem such a big issue. There is so much worry around, my holiday is a small thing. I even feel guilty for being upset when people are dying. It is 8pm here now, 2pm in Chicago. Our plane would have landed 30 minutes ago. We would be in our rental car (my dad always gets one of those huge American trucks), driving to my cousin’s house, my excitement making me grin until it hurt. Instead, I’m about to go to bed, in England. I don’t think I have ever felt this upset before. I know it is selfish, but Covid 19 is affecting every part of my life, its overwhelming, unbearable!

Tonight, I should be fighting to stay awake through my Jetlag, having late night talks and midnight snacks with my cousins but instead I am crying alone in my bed. Thanks Corona. 

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